In the End…

IMG_6384In every movie I watch, every book I read or every song I listen to, what moves me the most does not seem to be any part of them filled with intense action or drama in any climatic scenes; rather they seem to contribute to the part where I am most moved… the ending.

Come to think of it, just pondering upon the “what-ifs” of the future, particularly the ending, of one’s life could actually move a person’s emotions and feelings more than any present happenings occurring in one’s reality. In the future, anything can happen; while at present, it just serves as a premonitory sign which can contribute to whatever insight you have fabricated in your life of what it may become of. It’s probably the hypothetical thinking which makes it exhilarating to dwell on sometime… whether or not you’d guess it right… or whether it would go as planned or not.

I may be just speaking for myself right now… After all, most people feel their hearts beat racing at their peak when the drama becomes just too much too handle. As for me, mine thumps for the “what-ifs” after everything has been said and done, and after when the curtains have closed and lights turned off. From how I perceive it, every story would always have an ending just so people can then stop there and move on to whatever else.

Everything, as we all know, has an end. From the books we read, the song we listen to, to the movies we watch and the lives we live… Everything is so short-lived in our transient existence in this vast universe.

For most people, a climatic scene would probably be the most exhilarating, an  intense action and drama part the most moving… But for me it’s rather different; because from how I perceive it, the climax would always just be another step that would contribute to the end… and probably to what more there is after the curtains had closed in a play or after the last page of the book had been turned.

In my eyes, when I see an ending, it just simple doesn’t end there. Even when the screen turns black and the credits roll, I can still imagine everything going on in my mind as if there never were the curtains or  there never  was a last page. It just seems to go on and on…

It’s the same as how I see life as. Even up until death, I can still imagine the legacy of each and every person still living on in people – people they’ve left an imprint on in their hearts. It’s impossible for one’s spirit and soul to be forgotten. Sooner or later, someone’s got to dig it up and rekindle the flame. The forgotten will be once again remembered… and then and there, the person would live once more.

So what is an ending actually like?

Becoming a Memory

Just last month before the holidays started, I went out and saw a man I was seeing for a couple months for the last time.

We had a nice time together, that cold winter’s day, with a lot of plans in mind for our future dates… A to-do list that just kept on growing, and time together that just kept getting shorter and shorter by the day.

That afternoon, we went to watch a movie. It was worth pointing out that one of its character had a nihilistic point of view of life similar to his… My bright-eyed curiosity was stirred by the reality of the movie’s subject of social media’s affectation on people and their relationships with others around them; and his blithe fazed by it. For once, he had a serious look upon his face.

After the film, we both stayed quiet as we walked down towards Tottenham Court Road. It just made me realise something, he said. It was unfair to keep me to himself as he knew he was going to go soon. He’s a wandering soul, and his heart belongs to the places he has yet to venture off to. I assured him I was quite sure about my decision to dedicate my attention to him. I mind him leaving; but I had myself prepared even before we started.

Spending a couple more hours together did not improve the mood of the altered atmosphere hanging above us. Our little bubble was near to bursting but still, with its soapy bonds, holding on to keep whatever we have to linger for a little bit longer that evening.

He walked me towards the underground from his transient home stay, both of us nonchalantly trying to make it seem as if nothing has changed.

I had to break the silence.

“I was waiting for you to say something earlier,” I told him.

What is it, he asked. Stubbornly holding his uncaring demeanor.

I sighed. “I was waiting for you to say that what we have right now is pointless. I know at some point I will just become a memory. Then, slowly, I will just fade into the background… You might even forget who I am.”

You stayed quiet for a moment as I held my breath waiting.

“Yes… And as you should already know, I never get attached.”

“I know. I do try my best not to get too attached either.”

“Good. What I’m wondering is… How do you know if one has become a memory?”

We were almost to the underground station… Walking moderate-paced, hand in hand.

I smiled at him and responded my thoughts: “When you look beside yourself and see that this girl with you now is not there anymore walking along by your side, that is when you know I have become a memory.”

We reached the road and the tube entrance was just across from where we were standing. “Well, miss,” you called to me for the final time, “I best just leave you here and head on back now.”

“Yup. Thank you and take care on your way.”

You kissed me on my lips as you usually do before we part ways. “You too.”

I crossed the road, went down, and boarded the train home.

Hello again.

After 5 years of dormancy, I’ve decided to try blogging again. Thanks to my Android phone, I don’t even have to get up to go online on my laptop. 😀

I’ll be micro-blogging this time around, meaning that I’ll be posting short, simple entries.

So until next time!