Becoming a Memory

Just last month before the holidays started, I went out and saw a man I was seeing for a couple months for the last time.

We had a nice time together, that cold winter’s day, with a lot of plans in mind for our future dates… A to-do list that just kept on growing, and time together that just kept getting shorter and shorter by the day.

That afternoon, we went to watch a movie. It was worth pointing out that one of its character had a nihilistic point of view of life similar to his… My bright-eyed curiosity was stirred by the reality of the movie’s subject of social media’s affectation on people and their relationships with others around them; and his blithe fazed by it. For once, he had a serious look upon his face.

After the film, we both stayed quiet as we walked down towards Tottenham Court Road. It just made me realise something, he said. It was unfair to keep me to himself as he knew he was going to go soon. He’s a wandering soul, and his heart belongs to the places he has yet to venture off to. I assured him I was quite sure about my decision to dedicate my attention to him. I mind him leaving; but I had myself prepared even before we started.

Spending a couple more hours together did not improve the mood of the altered atmosphere hanging above us. Our little bubble was near to bursting but still, with its soapy bonds, holding on to keep whatever we have to linger for a little bit longer that evening.

He walked me towards the underground from his transient home stay, both of us nonchalantly trying to make it seem as if nothing has changed.

I had to break the silence.

“I was waiting for you to say something earlier,” I told him.

What is it, he asked. Stubbornly holding his uncaring demeanor.

I sighed. “I was waiting for you to say that what we have right now is pointless. I know at some point I will just become a memory. Then, slowly, I will just fade into the background… You might even forget who I am.”

You stayed quiet for a moment as I held my breath waiting.

“Yes… And as you should already know, I never get attached.”

“I know. I do try my best not to get too attached either.”

“Good. What I’m wondering is… How do you know if one has become a memory?”

We were almost to the underground station… Walking moderate-paced, hand in hand.

I smiled at him and responded my thoughts: “When you look beside yourself and see that this girl with you now is not there anymore walking along by your side, that is when you know I have become a memory.”

We reached the road and the tube entrance was just across from where we were standing. “Well, miss,” you called to me for the final time, “I best just leave you here and head on back now.”

“Yup. Thank you and take care on your way.”

You kissed me on my lips as you usually do before we part ways. “You too.”

I crossed the road, went down, and boarded the train home.


Never Enough

Is this it? The end?
I have given you my all
It isn’t enough.


What’s the use of pushing when it’s pushing against you?

When you fall, it doesn’t mean that it’s the end. It all does when you lose the will to stand up again.

When you reach the top, there’s not other way but down. So if you want to stay there, keep it steady.

How do you feel a void?

It’s stupid to look for reasons to dislike someone when you should look for reasons on why you should cherish instead.

A lesson would be learned from every mistake made as the consequence would inevitably be done.